Fuck you, Oakland.
Fuck your reckless drivers, routinely ignoring traffic lights and scarcely missing baby strollers and dog paws.
Fuck your high rents and gun-toting, murderous purse-snatchers and baby-killers.
Fuck your callous disregard for people living in a cesspool of hard drugs, poverty, and violence.
Fuck your worthless cops.
Fuck your incompetent schoolteacher mayor.
Fuck your San Francisco hipster transplants who think a $2800 apartment on the lake is “cheap”.
Fuck your giant new food market slash cooking school, sitting empty for years.
Fuck your smug rich neighborhoods with their starving white soccer moms.
Fuck your crack hoes.
Fuck your pimps.
Fuck your homeless mentally ill, dragging their cans and rags around with them in rusty old shopping carts, who appear one day and are gone the next (the cops have priorities).
Fuck your Google shuttle riders.
Fuck your incredible hutzpah at claiming to be Brooklyn.
Fuck your seedy downtown.
Fuck your pothole-ridden streets.
Fuck your five year plan for improving the city (more like 80 year plan).
Fuck your pollution.
Fuck your goddamn noisy Amtrak, horn blaring at 1am, rattling right through the middle of Embarcadero.
Fuck your smelly BART stations.
Fuck your shitty attitude.
Fuck your race riots.
Fuck your pretense at equality and your heel-digging entrenched divides.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.