The scourge of American society isn’t the chipping away of civil rights, the crumbling healthcare system, or the ever-widening gap between the rich and the poor. These are all irksome issues to be sure. Clearly, the greatest menace to America is industrially manufactured mayonnaise. Am I exaggerating? Think of the last time you had potato salad at a barbecue. How long was that salad sitting in the hot sun? How much goopy white mayo was in it? Was it more mayonnaise than potato? Is it any wonder you narrowly escaped food poisoning? (Can I squeeze another rhetorical question into this paragraph?)
I’ve never understood the American insistence on using mayonnaise for everything from salads, to marinated chicken, to cakes (ugh!), to sandwiches of white bread inordinately layered with industrially manufactured baloney. Remember the deli scene from Annie Hall? There’s a reason Woody Allen winces in pain as Diane Keaton orders a pastrami on white bread with mayo. Cold cuts were meant to be eaten between two thick pieces of rustic bread, spread with a country style mustard that bites back.
The overuse of mayonnaise has morphed relatively pleasant, simple foods into bizarre mutations. Potato salad has become a smooth grey mass served by the lump with an ice cream scoop. Macaroni salad is a sea of mayo in which schools of drowning eblow pasta take their last dying breaths. Tuna salad is so overwhelmingly mayonnaised that it looks more like its mutant brother potato salad than the flesh of any fish that ever swam in the depths of the ocean. Why not dispense with the pretense and just call them all mayonnaise salad?
Folks, it’s time to stop the madness. There are more condiments in heaven and earth that are dreamt of in your philosophy. Take that refrigerated excuse for caulk and toss it in the recycling bin. Instead of mayo, why not dress tuna salad with natural yogurt, labaneh, or olive oil? For a sandwich spread, why not try chilled olive oil or butter? And if you really want to, you can make your own much better tasting homemade mayonnaise. As for potato salad, there’s more than one way to prepare this great American favorite.
Reverse Potato Beet Salad
(so called for its purple potatoes and white beets)
about 1.5 pounds purple potatoes, steamed, patted dry, and cut into large bite-size chunks
5-6 small (thumb-size) white beets–or 1-2 larger white beets–steamed, peeled, and cut into a small dice
1-2 TBS minced fresh parsley
1-2 TBS finely chopped green onion (green part only)
1-2 TBS thinly sliced fresh mint
1-2 TBS rinsed, chopped capers
salt and pepper to taste
For the lemon vinaigrette:
1 clove garlic, crushed
zest of half a lemon, minced
2 TBS freshly squeezed lemon juice (no pulp)
6 TBS extra virgin olive oil
salt & pepper to taste (easy on the salt as the capers are salty and you’ll be salting the salad when it’s assembled)
– In a medium bowl, mix together the potatoes, beets, and herbs.
– In a small bowl, combine the vinaigrette ingredients, except the salt and pepper. Use a stick blender to blend the vinaigrette.
– Taste the vinaigrette and season with salt and pepper to taste, bearing in mind that the capers add salt, and that you’ll be seasoning the salad after dressing it. The vinaigrette should be fairly lightly seasoned.
– Pour the vinaigrette over the vegetables and toss to coat. Add the capers and toss again.
– Season to taste with salt and pepper (I used coarse pink Hawaiin salt, which adds crunch and color).
Serves 3
You can buy locally grown purple potatoes in the San Francisco bay area from Zuckerman’s Farm.
